how is it easy not to care not to use punctuation that's when you know your world or my world rather has fallen apart when i write without punctuation when i give into run-on sentences and run on paragraphs without commas even

i give in

ive given in im succumbing succumbing to sleep to sleeping pills but i have a 10 pg midterm to write and i just dont care this is such a strange feeling not caring not caring that i havent started my paper not caring that i missed 3 classes today and maybe ill just withdraw completely because thats so much easier and maybe ill just sleep through this maybe ill just hibernate for a little while for however long this season lasts and by this season i mean this season of sickness because im losing strength as my father loses strength and the doctors think maybe he had a stroke and he probably didnt but nonetheless this is scary and he is scared and he is giving up so too am i just no one knows it yet but me 

when i sleep i do not have to be strong i do not have to face anything but my pillow sleep is a beautiful thing the only escape the only escape the only escape and how easy it has been so easy so much easier than expected to begin to withdraw from my friends and they dont know it just yet but it is happening it is so easy to ignore them all because they simply do not understand and i can no longer expect them to i just want to sleep that is all i want to do and if i wrote this much for my paper that i am not writing then id already be making loads of progress but no i have to waste my time with this bullshit and i must care on some level if i am even taking the time to write this but perhaps i just want to document every phase of this hell though i dont quite know why