haven't written in a while. sitting alone, awake at dawn.
afraid.
haven't written in a while. out of words, but ache so badly to say something.
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i cannot be this person again. i am not strong enough to support others when i can barely hold myself up.
i am flimsy, a feather plucked gently off a pigeon that wasn't looking.
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i always dream i make mistakes. i set fires and when i try to put them out, i make them bigger.
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i haven't listened to music in a while. like, really listened. suddenly, i am enveloped by it. it is the only thing that speaks to me.
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people are moving. things are changing. i may appear still as stone, but i'm not steady as i look. i am lava melting into earth. disappearing from sight and sound and consciousness but still bubbling hot with anticipation that something might finally get better.
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the ache, indescribable. i feel it in my face. i feel it in my chest, my throat, my fingers, my toes. the sadness of others surrounds me...my own silently explodes.
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haven't written in a while. out of words, but not for lack of feeling.
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hopeless.
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alone in a forest of trees falling silently.
