unworthy words

I remember seeing my shadow creeping up the side of Mt. Sinai. It was approximately 2 AM in Egypt. The stars were my only source of light, but there were plenty. Millions dotting the sky, and camels down below, people on camels, people heaving their way up by foot, shadows bouncing up and bouncing down against the mountain as we trekked onwards and upwards. How small I felt then, small, but part of something giant. 

I lack further words to describe the moment. These words don't even begin. These words are so unfeeling, so unworthy.  I almost feel like erasing them and starting over, but I have too much work to even attempt at transforming my words into the magic of that moment. 

But not just the moment itself. My breath was sucked out of me for a good two months. I was in awe, not just of the world around me, but in awe of myself, my existence, my presence in a place so unlike my own and yet mine for the moment. 

I NEED that again. I cannot even begin to explain. I feel it in my hands, in my chest, in my face, the unquenchable thirst to pick up and GO. 

I am always chewing something. I cannot lie still. It is because all I want is to exist in a life that is mine.