You think I can't lie, but I was born with a poker face.

My head is pounding. I just want to run away and dance on table tops. Far away from here. Far away from judging eyes. Drunk and drunk and drunk and giddy.

Clarity

After a few weeks of thinking, I can suddenly see where I'm going and see it clearly. I was rejected from doing small things because I'm meant for something bigger, and I know exactly what it is.

I won't be getting coffee or running errands or answering the phone got the big guys. I will BE the big guy. I feel so reinvigorated and ready to take on the world. Who knew how much could change in a week...

I know this sounds cocky, but I have such a clear vision, such a clear plan. And it's all falling into place...

Quarter life crisis?

I find that I am questioning everything, who I want to be, what I want to do, when I want to do it. I was charging, full-speed ahead with journalism. Now, who knows. I don't. It's like running a marathon for the sake of moving. And I run with focus, drive, and determination. I can envision my goals, see them clearly. Yet I feel as though I am on a treadmill, standing in the same spot. And maybe I am moving forward, but everything feels remarkably the same. That's the weirdest thing about college- yes, much has changed, but in some ways, I feel as though I'm standing still. I was supposed to get an internship this semester, but didn't (probably)- partially due to laziness and partially due to overly high expectations. Somehow, I decided that it is beneath me to start at the bottom and work my way up. But maybe that is what I must do. I can't automatically qualify to intern at the NY Times, right?

Right now, the same person who wanted to write for a major daily right out of college is actually thinking about taking a year off to gallivant around the world--doesn't sound very responsible, driven, does it? But still, the world is calling to me...and that's what I want.

12 AM Mindlessness

Is mindlessness even a word?...

Well, here it is: my new blog. Let's see if I can actually manage to update it. A lot has changed since I started my Xanga, which was my last blog. I still update every now-and-then, but well, it got old. So did I. Sorta? I started Xanga freshman year of high school. Weird, how long ago that finally seems...

Here is my fresh start.

Oh, and a shout-out to Sybil, who is sitting right across from me and is the inspiration for my starting this particular blog! :)