I need to remind myself that I am in control of my emotions.
I have so much to be grateful for. It is important to remember that. Not easy, but important.

Maybe this opportunity will pass me by because of who I am right now. Maybe I am not ready to perpetuate transformational social change if I am still working on myself.

I am a good person and a deserving person but I am also jealous and prideful. I thought I had a true epiphany when I realized that acceptance/rejection to a program does not define me or my success; as it turns out, this epiphany was short-lived. When I begin to doubt myself,  my pattern of self-deprecation, loathing, and comparing myself to others returns. Maybe that's why I was put in this situation: To shake these useless emotions once and for all, and to show that I can graciously accept the success of others when things do not go my way.

I hope that success DOES find me this time, but if I have to keep looking for it, let me not stand in the way of Ravi's well-deserved happiness by feeling sorry for myself. This is NOT about me.

Perhaps, as much as I hate to admit it, I need to learn that lesson once and for all.