in a matter of hours, maybe even minutes, i will know if the drugs are working. if my dad is getting better. if i am going to peru. i will know a lot of pretty big deal things.
i am less nervous than i should be and more nervous than i'd like to be
i don't know
i can't be articulate on this...waiting
i've gotten so used to it, it's almost comforting. im scared of not having to wait, now. i'm scared of knowing.
when im waiting, i can pretend. i can rationalize. i can tell myself that the results will be what i want to hear. but when i hear the results, they will be what they are. there is a whole lot less to rationalize then.
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