Every time I get into one of these moods...

I tell myself to cut the melodrama.

And still...

Sometimes I wish I weren't so quiet and introspective. Not that I don't enjoy deep, philosophical conversations with my friends that last until the wee hours of the morning...

But I think that, with some people, that's all our relationships are built on: the deep conversations. I'm always included in that but I feel like I'm never included in the fun stuff. I don't even know if I want to be, because when I AM included, I invariably would rather be doing something else...especially when it comes to dance parties. Often, I am just way too self-conscious to let loose...not just in dancing but in any situation that involves going out and having energy and enthusiasm. I'm so not funny or charismatic. I have two left feet. And I hate interrupting people or talking over people. I feel like the only people who know me, want to know me, are the people who take the time to talk to me or happen to be there for an interesting conversation. But if it's left to first impressions, I probably just come off as boring and timid. I hate that about myself. I wish I could just forget about what people think and let go, because really, by not letting go, I'm worse off. People may not think badly of me, but they think NOTHING of me. Which is maybe worse? Like, I'm just...there. Trying to make myself heard sometimes is like trying to talk over a movie...

Ugh. What a dumb rant. Every time I get into one of these moods I tell myself I should count my blessings for EVERYTHING I do have. I need to breathe in and gain some perspective. I need to stop whining because this is ridiculous.