new year is the only holiday i really associate with you, with our family unit being together as opposed to getting presents or eating. it is the holiday we play a family game, all of us, the one time a year this happens, especially recently. it was weird watching dick clark counting down to 2011 without you here. i cant stand that theres just three of us now. i miss you like crazy. its 2011. i want to say good riddance to 2010, but i dont think i can, because at least you were with us for most of it. as bad as it was, you were here.

i think i almost cried at midnight. i think my mom did too. but we both held it in because we were playing monopoly, and trying to at least pretend things were normal. they weren't. they'll never be. not that normal. maybe some new-fangled version of normal, but never again will anything be the same.

got my a+ in spanish. you should have been here.

i love you.